It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
