Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Randomize
