i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
vagina is talking i cant
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.