You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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