It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
