It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
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she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
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Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.