would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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