just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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