He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
