he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
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