just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
