So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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