3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
