my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize