i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
