Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
