that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
