yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
