Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
