Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize