i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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