the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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