three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
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I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
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So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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