You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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