I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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