I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
