my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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