I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
