Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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