I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
and she was petting her beer can
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
