Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
