I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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