I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
