Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
