Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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