Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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