I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
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