I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Randomize
