And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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