"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
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