no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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