she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
