How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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