I cannot find my penis.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize
