I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
