I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
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In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
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they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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