my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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