I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
