Did you just see the Batmobile???
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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