so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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