I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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