dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
