worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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