I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
