I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
