Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
