today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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