Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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