why didn't you poke me back
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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