Where is the hickey?
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
