At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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