I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
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