i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
