So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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