:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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