I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
