I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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