if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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