She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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