The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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