Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
