You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
