Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
