ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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