I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
