All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
