How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
