She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
We got so high we made milksteak
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
