hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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