Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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