john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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