I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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