Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I should be sponsored by Trojan
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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